Ever wondered who's behind the ROAR goal-setting system? Meet Rexie Roller, the T-Rex hand puppet turned productivity supervisor who believes every excuse deserves a good chomp. This epic interview reveals his management philosophy, career goals, and why vacuum cleaners are his greatest fear.
OK, so none of what I've written below will make any sense unless I give you a bit of background (and I'm not promising anything even then 😄)
One of my goals for this year is to learn Latin. The only way I can explain this decision is to say that it's something I have wanted to do since I came across the concept of a classical education. I believe I should have been born a little rich boy and sent off to boarding school to learn Latin and Greek. I think there was an administrative error, though, 'cos I ended up a girl who had to go to a comprehensive school. There I got to learn German, but Latin, Greek and the like were not options that were available to me. I have carefully cultivated a ginormous grudge about this bureaucratic blunder over the decades, but then I realised that I am an adult and there is nothing stopping me from learning Latin on my own. I ordered a Latin textbook, then went in search of something suitably paper-based in which to record my much-anticipated lists of declensions. I found the perfect notebook almost immediately. Here's what I was thinking when I bought it: I am an old lady learning an ancient language, so it makes sense to have a notebook with extinct creatures on it.
A few weeks later, I went to an animatronic dinosaur display. In the gift shop on the way out, I acquired one T-Rex called Rexie Roller:
Rexie was originally a fun mascot for my Latin lessons. But then he started chomping everything, and before I knew it, he had made himself my official Chief Dinosaur Supervisor.
I could say more, but I think it's probably better to let him speak for himself.
Interviewer: Mrs Cranky
Mrs C: How did you get into goal supervision?
Rexie: HUMAN GET LATIN BOOK! HUMAN GET T-REX NOTEBOOK! BAD HUMAN NO STUDY LATIN BOOK! HUMAN NEED DINOSAUR SUPERVISOR! REXIE VOLUNTEER FOR DUTY!
Mrs C: What previous work experience do you have?
Rexie: 65 MILLION YEAR REXIE SCARE AND CHOMP SMALL CREATURE! ALSO, EXPERT IN SURVIVE METEOR!
Mrs C: What qualifies you for this role?
Rexie: REXIE HAVE BIG TEETH! ALSO, VERY LOUD ROAR! REXIE SCARE HUMAN WITH THREAT OF CHOMP! CHOMP MOTIVATE HUMAN GOOD!
Mrs C: Do you have any formal education or training?
Rexie: REXIE BIG SMART T-REX! GRADUATE FROM CRETACEOUS UNIVERSITY! HAVE MANY QUALIFICATION:
BSC – BACHELOR OF STICKER CHOMPING
MBA – MASTER OF BITING ADMINISTRATION
PHD – DOCTOR OF PREHISTORIC HUMAN DOMINATION.
Mrs C: That's very impressive, Rexie. Where are your diplomas?
Rexie: UM… REXIE CHOMP THEM!
Mrs C: Of course you did.
Mrs C: So, what drew you to productivity supervision specifically?
Rexie: HUMAN VERY BAD AT FINISH GOAL! NEED MORE CHOMP! CHOMP MAKE HUMAN WORK HARD FOR STICKER!
Mrs C: How would you describe your management philosophy?
Rexie: REXIE USE CHOMP METHOD!
CRUSH TIME WASTE!
HOUND HUMAN 'TIL GOAL DONE!
OUT ALL HUMAN EXCUSE FOR NO DO GOAL THEN CHOMP HUMAN!
MAUL IF HUMAN NO GET STICKER!
POUNCE IF HUMAN BIG TIME LAZY!
Mrs C: Describe a typical day as Chief Dinosaur Supervisor.
Rexie: REXIE WAKE UP! THEN REXIE WAKE HUMAN WITH CHOMP! ALL DAY REXIE CHECK IF HUMAN DO GOAL! IF NO DO, CHOMP HUMAN MORE!
Mrs C: What are your main supervisory duties?
Rexie: REXIE WATCH HUMAN! MAKE SURE NO TIME WASTE! ALSO CHOMP ARM MAKE HUMAN TYPE MORE FAST!
Mrs C: How do you monitor employee performance?
Rexie: REXIE COUNT STICKER ON WALL! IF NOT LOT, HUMAN GET CHOMP! REXIE DO SCIENTIFIC METHOD!
Mrs C: What's your biggest workplace challenge?
Rexie: HUMAN TALK MUCH! HUMAN HAVE MANY EXCUSE FOR WHY NO DO GOAL! 'REXIE, MY HEAD HURT!' 'REXIE, IS WEEKEND!' 'REXIE, STOP CHOMP MY ARM!' BAD HUMAN ANNOY REXIE BIG TIME!
Mrs C: How do you handle difficult motivation problems?
Rexie: CHOMP! IF STILL NO DO RIGHT, CHOMP AGAIN!
Mrs C: What would you say is your greatest strength as a supervisor?
Rexie: REXIE BIG GOOD CHOMP! ALSO BIG LOUD ROAR! HUMAN NO CAN IGNORE REXIE!
Mrs C: And your biggest weakness?
Rexie: REXIE NOT HAVE WEAK! HUMAN HAVE WEAK! HUMAN PUNY! REXIE BIG! REXIE STRONG!
Mrs C: OK, dear. No need to get all wound up about it.
Mrs C: Let's move on. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Rexie: REXIE MORE BIG! REXIE MORE TEETH! REXIE MORE CHOMP!
Mrs C: What's your approach to staying current with industry trends?
Rexie: REXIE WATCH DINO MOVIE FOR LEARN NEW CHOMP WAYS! THEN REXIE CHOMP TV!
Mrs C: How do you handle constructive criticism?
Rexie: CONSTRUCT... CONSTRUC... REXIE NO LIKE BIG WORDS! REXIE CHOMP ALL HUMAN WHO SAY BAD THING TO REXIE! HUMAN LEARN BE NICE TO REXIE AFTER BIG TIME CHOMP!
Mrs C: How do you measure professional success?
Rexie: COUNT TIMES REXIE CHOMP HUMAN! ALSO COUNT BIG STICKER ON WALL! HUMAN NEED NO MANY CHOMP AND MANY BIG STICKER FOR NOT FAIL!
Mrs C: So, Rexie, what do you do to unwind at the end of a hard day's supervising?
Rexie: REXIE WATCH MOVIE!
Mrs C: Which one's your favourite?
Rexie: JURASSIC PARK! JURASSIC PARK 2! JURASSIC PARK 3! ALL JURASSIC WORLD!
Mrs C: Um, you haven't seen the Jurassic World films yet, Rexie. We're keeping you on a low action-movie diet, because you know you get overexcited when any characters are eaten.
Rexie: MOVIE T-REX BIG! MOVIE T-REX STRONG! MOVIE T-REX CHOMP LAWYER! MOVIE T-REX PUSH CAR OFF CLIFF! REXIE LAUGH BIG TIME HROAR-HROAR-HROAR! REXIE WANT CHOMP LAWYER! REXIE WANT PUSH CAR!
Mrs C: No, Rexie, you are not allowed to chomp lawyers or push cars off cliffs.
Rexie: REXIE CHOMP PARALEGAL!?
Mrs C: No, Rexie, you are not allowed to chomp paralegals, either.
Rexie: ARRRRRGH! REXIE CHOMP MIZZ CRANKY! ROAR!
Mrs C: Yes, you do, but that's my own fault for choosing the naughtiest dinosaur in the gift shop.
Rexie: REXIE CHOMP MIZZ CRANKY NOW!
Mrs C: That's quite enough of that. Don't make me tap you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. Let's get back to the interview. Do you like any other films?
Rexie: BAMBI!
Mrs C: Bambi? Really?
Rexie: BAMBI MEET GODZILLA!
Mrs C: Oh dear.
Rexie: BAMBI GO SPLAT! HROAR-HROAR-HROAR!
Mrs C: Moving on… Do you have any hobbies outside of work?
Rexie: REXIE LIKE CHOMP THING! REXIE ALSO LIKE ROAR THING! SOMETIMES CHOMP AND ROAR THING SAME TIME! MUCH FUN!
Mrs C: How do you get along with the rest of the household?
Rexie: PENELOPE BIG PINK SPARKLE HORN HORSEY! REXIE LIKE CHOMP PENELOPE! SPARKLE HORN TASTE YUM!
Mrs C: You do have a habit of terrorising my unicorn. I'm not sure Penelope appreciates having her horn chomped every night, though. The other plushies aren't keen on being used as chew toys, either.
Rexie: REXIE NO CHOMP GRUMPY CAT! GRUMPY CAT MEAN! GRUMPY CAT FROM CATSYLVANIA. SHE SAY 'NYET CHOMP, STUPID DINOSAUR!' BUT REXIE MORE BIG SO REXIE WIN!
Mrs C: Grumpy Cat kicked you off the shelf the last time you tried to chomp her, Rexie.
Rexie: NO KICK! REXIE WIN!
Mrs C: OK then, if you insist. So, if you're not scared of Grumpy Cat, what's your biggest fear?
Rexie: NO FEAR! REXIE BIG! REXIE BRAVE! REXIE NO SCARE!
Mrs C: Are you one hundred percent sure about that, Rexie?
Rexie: UM…
Mrs C: Come on, be honest now.
Rexie: REXIE NO LIKE VACUUM CLEANER! VACUUM CLEANER VERY MORE LOUD THAN REXIE! VACUUM CLEANER WANT CHOMP REXIE!
Mrs C: The vacuum cleaner doesn't want to chomp you, Rexie.
Rexie: VACUUM CLEANER NO LIKE REXIE! VACUUM CLEANER BAD!
Mrs C: That's why I have to put you outside when I clean the house, isn't it?
Rexie: REXIE LIKE OUTSIDE! REXIE CHOMP ALL OUTSIDE THING!
Mrs C: I've told you to leave the neighbour's Rottweiler alone, haven't I?
Rexie: REXIE CHOMP DOGGY MUCH QUIET WHEN HUMAN NO LOOK! ALSO, REXIE LOOK BIG TIME INNOCENT AFTER QUIET CHOMP!
Mrs C: I think we should move on. What's your favourite music?
Rexie: REXIE LIKE MUSIC WITH BIG ROAR! HUMAN MUSIC BAD – NO ROAR! REXIE LIKE GARBAGE TRUCK! GARBAGE TRUCK GO BEEP-BEEP-BEEP! CRASH! BANG! MUCH GOOD! ALSO, DRILL MACHINE MAKE NICE SONG! BUT BAGPIPE MAKE BEST NOISE! BAGPIPE IS RARE PLAID DINOSAUR! SOUND LIKE BRONTOSAURUS WITH BIG TIME OUCHY!
Mrs C: Oh dear. Time for a subject change, I think.
Mrs C: What's your life motto?
Rexie: REXIE MOTTO 'BIG TEETH, BIG ROAR, BIG CHOMP!'
Mrs C: What's the biggest mistake humans make with goal-setting?
Rexie: HUMAN THINK TOO MUCH! REXIE SAY: NO THINK, ONLY CHOMP! HUMAN MAKE EXCUSE: 'REXIE, I TIRED!' 'REXIE, I BUSY!' REXIE SAY: 'CHOMP EXCUSE, THEN ROAR GOAL!'
Mrs C: Any advice for procrastinators?
Rexie: PROCRA... PROCRASTIN... WHY HUMAN HAVE SO MANY BIG WORD?! REXIE SAY 'LAZY!' REXIE CHOMP LAZY! LAZY BIG TIME YUM! WHEN LAZY GONE, HUMAN DO GOAL OR REXIE CHOMP HUMAN!
Mrs C: How do you stay motivated?
Rexie: REXIE WANT CHOMP ALL TIME! WANT CHOMP VERY GOOD MOTIVATE!
Mrs C: And what do you say to motivate humans?
Rexie: 'KEEP ON ROAR, PUNY HUMAN!' ALSO, 'CHOMP FIRST, ASK QUESTION LATER!'
Mrs C: What's your philosophy on work-life balance?
Rexie: WORK IS CHOMP GOAL THING! LIFE IS CHOMP NOT-GOAL THING! BALANCE EASY WHEN CHOMP ALL THING!
Mrs C: If you could eat dinner with anyone in history, who would it be?
Rexie: ALL LAWYER IN HISTORY! VERY BIG DINNER! REXIE NEED MANY TEETH!
Mrs C: Um, Rexie, I said 'eat dinner with anyone', not 'eat anyone for dinner'!
Rexie: REXIE UNDERSTAND! FIRST REXIE EAT DINNER WITH LAWYER! THEN REXIE EAT LAWYER FOR DESSERT! BIG TIME GOOD PLAN!
Mrs C: I really should never have let you watch Jurassic Park. You haven't been the same since.
Mrs C: Anyway, moving on … Rexie, what is your dream vacation destination?
Rexie: LAW SCHOOL! MANY FRESH LAWYER TO CHOMP! BIG TIME GOOD BUFFET!
Mrs C: Rexie, what did I tell you before? You are not allowed to chomp lawyers!
Rexie: (REXIE KNOW WHERE LAW SCHOOL IS! HUMAN NO WATCH REXIE ALL TIME!)
Mrs C: I heard that. Come on now, Rexie, you still need to finish your interview. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Rexie: HUMAN WHO SAY 'I START GOAL MONDAY!' MONDAY NEVER COME! REXIE CHOMP MONDAY HUMAN! HUMAN MUST START GOAL NOW!
Mrs C: If you were human for one day, what would you do?
Rexie: REXIE CHOMP ALL OTHER HUMAN! THEN REXIE ONLY HUMAN LEFT! PERFECT PLAN! NO MORE HUMAN FAIL GOALS!
Mrs C: What superpower would you want?
Rexie: MAKE MORE TEETH! NEVER ENOUGH TEETH FOR ALL CHOMP NEED!
Mrs C: Do you have a special message for the readers of The Crankysaurus Chronicles?
HELLO, PUNY HUMAN! REXIE VERY HAPPY YOU READ BLOG! REXIE HOPE YOU LEARN MUCH CHOMP WISDOM! NO EXCUSE, ONLY ROAR! CRUSH TIME WASTE! GET BIG STICKER! IF HUMAN HAVE PROBLEM WITH GOAL, TELL REXIE! REXIE HELP CHOMP EXCUSE AND GET STICKER!
KEEP ON ROAR, PUNY HUMAN! REXIE BELIEVE IN YOU, EVEN IF YOU SMALL AND NO HAVE BIG TEETH!
ROAR ALL GOAL!
Mrs C: Thank you, Rexie. That was an excellent interview, excluding the parts where you threaten legal professionals.
Rexie: REXIE CHOMP LAWYER NOW?
Mrs C: Sigh
If you want to send Rexie an email, use the 'Submit your question' link in Rexie's Corner on the sidebar.
Until next time,
Carpe skateboard! 🛹🦖
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